Turning Spam into Spam-onade
We all get spam pitches spewing AI praise about our works, (drawn from our own descriptions!) then pitching whatever. Like you, my impulse has been to hit the delete key as fast as possible.
Or it was.
We all like to think—actually we all like to hope—that these might actually be real pitches from real people, that they’re sincere, that we should accept the compliments at face value, at minimum say “Thank you,” and maybe contemplate what they’re offering as a viable option for our needs. That’s their design: to tempt, to seduce. That’s why we hate them more than we should. They make us feel played sometimes.
Usually there are obvious signs that they’re just bullshit spam generated by an AI algorithm that found a writer’s blog, read the book descriptions, turned them around into a pitch, and handed it to an unscrupulous scammer who wants to lure the writer into sending money for nothing.
Still, who knows anymore? Some might be legit. But if they are legit, they’re lazy, because their pitches too often suffer from looking pretty much like the scammers’ spew. It’s one thing if we might recognize the name of the agency behind them. But we never do, do we? Trident or Andrea Brown don’t do this, do they?
So my junk mail filter is set to catch most of them. The rest? I hit DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.
Or I did.
Now, though, on second thought, as I look them over in toto, I think they might be a great source for blurbs. Think about it. Check out the ones you receive.
Most of them claim to be from a publisher, agent, editor, or someone else with a reputable role in book publishing. Truthfully, short of researching them, how do we know they’re not? I get one or two a week; I don’t have time to waste checking them out hoping they might be real. Why not assume they are?
We didn’t ask them if we could quote their pitches as blurbs. But they sent them to us freely enough, and they didn’t say not to. If they don’t want us to use them as blurbs, they can contact us later and we’ll take them down. (Spoiler alert: They won’t. They’re not real!)
Am I advocating dishonesty? Ahhhhhhhh…
Anyway, here are some blurb prospects that are just now sitting in my junk mail folder from the past 30 days:
“I found myself unable to look away. Disposable Girl and Other Tales of Brutality and Wonder is exactly the kind of bold, incisive and wildly imaginative collection that deserves to be discovered by a wide audience.”
— Renee Morgana, bookmarketing strategist, Authors Ladder, on Disposable Girl and Other Tales.
“That mix of dark humor, newsroom chaos, and genuine high-stakes crime gives the book a strong identity, especially for readers who enjoy the Florida crime tradition of Carl Hiaasen while still wanting a fast-moving thriller with real consequences.”
Valerie Brown, Bookwave Promotions, on The Space Coast Tatler.
“The combination of an engineered virus, scientific and political conflict, societal collapse, and survival against infected attackers gives the novel a natural fit with readers who enjoy intense speculative thrillers and apocalyptic fiction.”
Caleb Mercer, professional association not stated, on The Murder Plague.
“Moving between humor, horror, historical fiction, philosophy, emotional brutality, and genuine wonder is an ambitious approach for a short-story collection. Rather than giving readers thirteen variations of the same experience, the book seems designed to continually surprise them.”
Jarvis Thiago, Fiction Devourers, on Disposable Girl and Other Tales.
“The combination of investigative journalism, crime, dark humor, Florida culture and a domestic terrorism plot creates a distinctive thriller that feels both entertaining and high stakes.”
Emily Bourque, also no professional association stated, on The Space Coast Tatler.
“A journal editor told you your story was excellent but too brutal for his publication while also admitting the brutality was necessary, not gratuitous. You kept that assessment and built a collection around it. That tells me you understand the difference between discomfort and dishonesty.”
Samuel Samson, INEXORA, on Disposable Girl and Other Tales.
“The collections emphasis on the stories between us gives it a distinct literary and reflective focus.”
Nicole Otto, Nicole Publishing, on Disposable Girl and Other Tales
“I … was interested in the way you bring together stories, books, and the connections between people to explore the moments and experiences that shape the human experience.”
Kristen Marckmann, editor at Kharis Publishing, on Disposable Girl and Other Tales.
